Tuesday, June 24, 2008

UN Warns Iran: Don't Hog the Clamato

NEW YORK - The United Nations today issued a stern warning to the leaders of Iran to cease and desist their actions allegedly aimed at cornering the market for the world's most popular tomato and clam juice based beverage, Clamato.

"It is a dangerous game to play and a slippery slope. Once one threatens to constrict supply of a resource like Clamato, and to use that leverage to extract concessions in lower priority matter like oil prices and nuclear weaponry, you really don't know how dire the situation could become or where it might end" said U.N. Secretary General Ban Ki-moon.

Clamato - a portmanteau of "clam" and "tomato" - was first produced in its current form in 1966 by the Mott company. The brand and trademark are now owned by Cadbury-Schweppes, which also owns such popular juice drinks as "Bananonion" and "Beetsparilla".

Iran's actions are of course most dire to Canada, whose national cocktail is the Caesar - a mixture of Clamato, vodka, Tabasco and Worcestershire sauce. Due to the run on Caesars caused by what is already being referred to as the Clamato Panic of 2008, the entirety of Canada fell into a drunken stupor and was unavailable for comment.

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