Friday, November 11, 2005

Amazon Patent...and a Few Ideas

From Slashdot:

"Review your local dry cleaner, pay $10 million? Among the three new patents awarded to this week is one that covers collecting reviews by letting visitors to a Web site fill out a form. spokesman Craig Berman said he couldn't speculate on whether the company would attempt to license its new intellectual property." From the article: "In one embodiment of the patent, the system sends consumers a message inviting them to write a review in a predetermined amount of time after the purchase. It's a method widely used by online retailers, including Yahoo Shopping. The patent also covers the method of tracking who returns to rate products by asking them to click on a unique link in an e-mail. But the patent even covers collecting reviews by letting visitors to a Web site fill out a form. "

In first reading this, I was disgusted with the PTO, the body of US patent law and the world generally. Patents in the US legitimize extortion, plain and simple. They don't protect the little start up companies, they put them in the cross hairs of gargantuan companies that stifle competition.

But then I had a glimmer of hope...based on what Amazon has been able to patent, maybe I can get a patent, license it and make hundreds! Here are my initial ideas...I'll be raising a seed round soon:

Patent 1: A Process for Removal of the Penis from the Trousers Prior to Urination. This one is a killer. Half of the trouser-wearing public is gonna owe me big time. And if they don't? I hit 'em with the NEXT patent...

Patent 2: Removal of Urine From Clothing Using Warm Water and Soap. HA! Get around me now!

On another line of thinking alltogether, I'm also going to be going after the restaurant market:

Patent 3: Spoon-Facilitated Removal of Hair-Like Portion of Artichoke Prior to Consumption. I believe I pioneered this process. Ever try to do this with a way. I guarantee every artichoke-serving restaurant in the country is doing least the ones that are above buying canned artichoke hearts.

Patent 4: Use of a Multi-Bladed Utensil to Reduce Cheese to Acceptable Size for Sprinkling. First stop...Olive Garden.