Friday, June 22, 2007

Angelina Jolie Donates the Gum Right Out of Her Mouth

HOLLYWOOD: Actress and philanthropist Angelina Jolie last night formally donated the gum right out of her mouth in the latest of a long series of philanthropic wonders. The gum will be dedicated to the Arab Childrens Congress, and was passed by Jolie directly into the mouth of Queen Noor of Jordan, below.

"I am deeply touched and my breath is greatly freshened by this most stunning act of charity" commented Queen Noor following the Hollywood banquest for the ACC. "She had only been chewing it for 5 minutes or so - it still held much value."

King Abdullah II of Jordan was similarly pleased. "Are you kidding? She's totally frigging nuts, but still hot as hell. I thought they were going into some lesbian frenzy or something. I nearly unsheathed the royal saber, if you know what I mean."

Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa, also on hand for the event, confirmed Abdullah's assertions. "Ms. Jolie is in fact hot, and a significant member of the group of fucking nuts people that do so much good for our fucking nuts city."

ACC representatives have not confirmed their plans for the gum, but did say they intended to approach Ms. Jolie, a long-time supporter of children's causes, with other ideas for charitable dontions. Those included a suckle on her zipple, a lock of armpit hair, and possibly snapshot of Ms. Jolie and her Academy Award nominated husband, Brad Pitt, doing the hibity-dibity.