Monday, July 09, 2007

Mexican Reveler Killed

MEXICO CITY A Mexican male was killed yesterday in Mexico City after being struck by what authorities have identified as a low flying chicken.

Jorge Manuel Rivera de Villarosa, 39, was celebrating the victory of Mexico over Paraguay in the Copa America soccer match, when he was struck by a chicken that Mexican authorities estimate was traveling at approximately 355 miles per hour. Both de Villarosa and the flighty fowl were killed instantly. The avian projectile was apparently propelled by a makeshift cannon operated by a Paraguayan man as an act of retribution for the soccer match. The cannon was contructed on a rooftop near the Angel of Independence monument in Mexico City, where Villarosa, pictured here moments following his death, had been dancing with an unidentified poodle.

"It may have been a turkey - it's very difficult to tell since most of the bird vaporized on impact" said Mexico City detective Angel Cabrera de la Poontana. "Although if it was a turkey, it was a smallish one...or perhaps a fractional turkey...we haven't ruled out a partial projectile."

"I am deeply saddened that such fine poultry would be sacrificed in this way, especially in a nation where millions are starving - poodle can be tasty as well, when slow-roasted with chiles" commented Mexican president Felipe Calderon.

The poodle was miraculously unharmed.

Fearing that the poultry may have been of U.S. origin, and in an effort to avoid an international row, representatives of the U.S. FDA, CIA and Perdue Corporation were on hand.

"We at Perdue do not condone poultry-based weaponry - whether it's a cannon, a large slingshot made from surgical tubing, or home-made catapult...just for example" said Bernard Drumstatter, vice president of international incident management at Perdue.
"We recognize those things are funny as hell and great fodder for YouTube. Who doesn't like to see a chicken explode into a cloud of feathers and feet - still, it's frowned upon here at Perdue."

The CIA no significant comment, except to note that the chicken, in their view, may have been acting alone, and to assure Mexican authorities that there had been no US involvement in planning the attack.

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