Where's the Beep?

Imagine how many times you've heard this:

"Hi, this is [insert name of friend or acquaintance]. I'm not here right now, but if you leave a message, I'll call you back as soon as I return."

Then, more often than not, you hear a computerized female voice say something like:

"After the tone, please leave a message. When you are finished leaving your message, hang up."

I gotta ask, is there a soul on God's green earth that still needs INSTRUCTIONS on what to do after the beep? Is there anyone who, in the event that the beep occurred right after the message, lone and unexplained, would panic and scream, "someone help - I just heard a beep and I'm unsure of what to do next!"

Variations on this I find equally disturbing:

"...after leaving your message, hang up, or press one for more options,"

More options? Like what? Has anyone ever done this? I've never received a message that seems to have had "other options" invoked. If you pressed "1", would you hear:

"To have your message played with western background music, press 2. To cause the recipient's phone to emit a puff of smoke at this time, press 3. To give your message a distinctive latin flair, press 4. If you enjoy tacos, press 5. To do absolutely nothing and remain on your phone in silence indefinitely, press 6. To forward a copy of your message to Jenny, press 8675309. To hear this menu again, yell "give me the bonedaddy" as loud as you can, then stick your tongue out and drop your pants."